


Waiting

by Engelikal



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuRoku - Freeform, AkuRoku Day, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M, Next Life AU, POV First Person, Past Life Reconcilliation, oldfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-13
Updated: 2011-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:04:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engelikal/pseuds/Engelikal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I used to wait for you, two blue ice cream bars melting in my hands and leaving me with nothing but sticky fingers and an empty sunset—waiting for you to show up and share with me, thinking: where are you, where are you, where are you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

I remember the quiet days.  Times I spent slaughtering virgin white paper with blues, yellows, and blacks.  No matter the medium—crayons, finger paints, water colors, colored pencils—those were always the colors to show wear first.  You were my imaginary friend in those days, a constant my naive mind never had to think about or justify.  We knew each other. Recalling how, why or when was unimportant.  Miss you as I did, I had the bright, childish innocence to convince me it did not matter whether or not you were physically there.  You were in my heart, I suppose, and that was enough during the quiet days.

 

Time passed.  Things changed.  I was confused and angry and my parents were wondering why my best friend was still someone they (and occasionally even I) could only comprehend as a figment of my imagination.  I used to wait for you, two blue ice cream bars melting in my hands and leaving me with nothing but sticky fingers and an empty sunset—waiting for you to show up and share with me, thinking: _where are you, where are you, **where are you**?_

 

I could not understand why you were not there. 

 

That was the beginning of the chaos.

 

I finished off elementary school holding in more frustration than my body knew what to do with.  I was a ticking time bomb, a fire ready to spark and flare up in a single moment, without notice.  My heart was full of emotions too large for my adolescent self and too powerful for my immature mind-set.  Time kept running by and I was sick of waiting. 

 

I could not stand the depressive lull of passing days when I was unable to find you. 

 

I resented not knowing whether you were trying to find me.

 

Vague images and dreams of blond hair, blue eyes and black coats transformed with the years.  Dreams of things I both knew and did not, a life I had never lived yet was my own.

 

One day it all became too much for me to handle. Looking at my five-year-old illustrations of you, I lost it. I cannot recall how many pictures I tore up before I realized what I had done and started crying.  Big bad Axel, 15 year old delinquent no one knew quite what to do with was sobbing on the floor in guilt.  As I picked up the torn paper, I decided to give up waiting for you—a resolution that may have been a little more convincing if I didn’t save the pieces.

 

Time flew by and I pushed it from my mind.  This was now, not some prior time of being that may or may not have even happened.  I threw myself into self-destructive behaviors with friends who didn’t care whether I lived or died, associated myself with other empty-hearted people to punish us both. 

 

I was angry with you for not being with me.  

 

I was angry with me for giving up on you.

 

We didn’t meet until I was almost twenty-three.  I had managed to clean myself up from my less-than-admirable activities and accept the life I had been given (both now and previously). I was calmer than I had ever been, had learned so much about myself, about being independent, about patience and making things work.  It was finally the opportune time…

 

_(The icing on the cake: those old drawings are pretty accurate.)_

**Author's Note:**

> I realized it was AkuRoku Day! In honor, I dug up this old AkuRoku fanfic I wrote back in 2011. I toyed with the idea of editing it but in the end it seemed best to leave it--more or less--as is. (Other than a few very distracting semi-colons.)


End file.
